I wake up in a grocery store, in a back room over in the produce section. As soon as I enter the store proper I see a wide array of zombie shoppers, though some of them are still cannibalisticly hostile and not just shuffling through their daily routine. Not overly frigthened (I have done this before, mind), I make my way along the back of the store, having to stop and doubleback at some point to return to the produce section. I note that there's a sale on melons (cantaloupes and honeydews), and indeed many of the zombie shoppers have carts full of the things.
At this point I discover the hardware section of the store, and a nice security room nestled down a short hallway. There are a man and a woman working on reloading an immense pile of guns - lots of beltfeeds, lots of otherwise missing magazines, at least two miniguns - and whilst they run off to happily splat some deadites I try to find a mag that will fit a quasi-uzi I've picked up nearby. Unfortunately it looks like it takes tiny bullets, as in less then .22s, and the mag is nowhere to be found in that big pile. I toss the gun and ...
Zombie attak! Or just one, an older man who talks and talks the whole time he advances on me. I remember nothing of what he says, but I took it he was some sports coach or something and either knew me from before or thought he did. Unforunately for me all I've got at hand is a little wooden paddle (like a tiny cricket bat) and can only bop the zombie in the face repeatedly. And then the zed himself points to the shiny new fire axe atop one of the shelves, which I grab and lay into the zombie with some gusto. He refuses to drop though, pushing me back into the security room. I decapitate him several times but his head keeps staying on his body, a jagged line across the throat but no stopping the talking or the shambling. More zombies join and start to press into the hallway to the room, but then the gung ho man and woman arrive back, whoop it up and obliterate the undead with machetes or something.
With that I head back across the top of the store, and notice that the number of zombies is way down. What's left are mostly zombic shoppers, mindlessly repeating their weekly shopping routines, animated body parts (legs, arms, hands squirming about) and several legless or mangled zombies dragging themselves around and easily avoided. I head down an aisle and find the Sweet & Low, and suddenly the store manager is upon me. Instead of catching me for stealing he agrees with me that it's a rip off, just 16 packets in a box? For that much? I can only agree and take two boxes instead of the one.
Now at the front of the store, I see a variety of zombie clerks trying to check out zombie shoppers and their huge carts full of melons, or comically attempting to bag the melons through the plastic bags and straight onto the floor (cue the zombie clean up boy). I step outside and see a madhouse of various zombies and even some big mutated flesh creatures, some moving quickly but most shuffling about with carts or run over or whatever. I go back inside and walk to a large white garage door - which I had identified as a possible bunker for survivors long ago - and decide to knock, which gets me inside (there's a regular door inset in the larger raisable door). The inhabitants are a handful of elderly men and women, but they're nice and take the sweetener off my hands, placing it with their prodigious stores. The old men are indeed eating cantaloupe, and watching the mayhem through the bunker's door, which is apparently transparent from this side.
A young woman sits down next to me and begins telling me about wanting to cheat on her husband, to which I make no reply. However the woman's husband is lurking right there in the shadows with us, hears her talking and I think assumes she's already done it, with me no doubt. Distraught he raises the bunker door and runs out into the zombies, which there are now many more of. The store is basically gone now too, or at least the front half of the building is, leaving plenty of sunlit rubble. The husband, who looks exactly like Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park, black clothes & sunglasses and all, rages and punches zombies in the head, receiving a lot of scratches back and no doubt some bites. His wife runs to his aid with a shotgun, blowing away deadheads left and right whilst clearly in anguish. I race out and start axing the dead too, but decide to leg it as the carnage is mounting.
Once clear of the melee I sit down with some random chick on a grassy little embankment, near the road leading to the store. A few zombies wander out of the rubble, but are blown away as this wheeled, armored steampunk contraption drives onto the field, sporting what amounts to an enormous shotgun cannon. Piloted and gunned by none other than Timothy Spall (with a mustachio) with a second man in the area behind to keep rear zombie attaks off. I note to the girl that he looks just like he did in his last movie, Legends of Somethingorother, and I suggest he is in fact the same character even, come to fight zombies. Then an oversized prince charming type character (9-10' giant, with a beard), who I call Tom Thumb and also identify him from the same movie above, drives onto the scene in a brass and glass vehicle shaped like a wedge. He says something to me and then drives off toward the ruckus. Finally the Cowardly Lion pads on from the side, bites a zombies head off and wanders towards us. I may have actually facepalmed at the lion, but the alarm rang and enough was enough.
